myexpressionss

2008-07-18T21:10:00.003+08:00

Its the end of my short stint at GMSS. Im already beginning to miss my students... sob sob... I really couldnt bear to leave GM today... so i stayed around till very late... joining the choir for practice, helping out with sop sectionals and then also chit chat with colleagues, soon-to-be ex-colleagues... The feeling is really kinda sad... having to leave just when i start to love this school so much... just when i start to click really well with my students... One month just flew pass so quickly... I had a wonderful 4 weeks at GM... To begin with I had two wonderful CTs (aka mentors)who taught me a lot of things and guided me in every way... and there were also many other teachers who spent time talking to us trainees and sharing their experiences with us over a cup of coffee or lunch... and also there were my fellow trainees... the daily chats we had were always so hilarious when we discussed about students and their antics... oh my how much i will miss those gossip sessions!! And also the times we played badminton together after school... sometimes with the students as well... all the funny shots... damn hilarious la! Haha... And lastly of cos the students! ... My favourite class F2-3... an adorable bunch F1-2... and also F2-2.. and although not so guai but i still like them: F2-4... and many other classes which i relief-ed... like H5-1 which is a motivated bunch of final year students.. i wish them all the best for their O levels... I used to think neighbourhood school students are naughty and often unmanageable... but now i realised it all depends on how you approach them... they are just kids who seek your attention.. although sometimes in irritating ways... so as long you are patient and show them that you care...they will listen to you and respect you... thats for most of the students la... although there are some hard core ones that require drastic measures.. oh wells... I shall just talk abt the majority who are the nice students...Talk abt my favourite class F2-3... they are so so adorable... the way they respond to me in class... the things they say... sometimes so funny sometimes so touching even... and they are very sincere... they know that i care for them and they do care for me as well... it really touches my heart when i feel that they genuinely like me and respect me as their teacher... On my birthday they even sang me a birthday song!! And during my last lesson with them they even presented me with a huge farewell card... Thats my very first card from students... and its such a pretty card signed by the students with their little messages to me... I was very very touched then.. almost felt like crying but didnt... but in my heart i was really melting... haha.. so well that was F2-3... a class i will never forget... the first to sing me a bday song and give me a card. Thanks F2-3! You rock! Haha... Talking about my bday... i must say that this year's bday was the best i ever had in my life... i had the most number of bday cakes... blew the most candles... and had the most number of bday songs sang... First time was with FM5.1 who celebrated my bday for me real early... so it was very unexpected and i was so surprised... its the first time i got a bday surprise actually... thanks guys!! Second time was at a chalet i had with my family and a few close friends... it was the most enjoyable chalet i ever had man... so so fun.. i nearly went crazy with all the laughing... Haha! Thanks to all those who came! The third bday song was by class H5-1 whom i was relief-ing... thanks for being so funny.. haha... Fourth was by class F2-3... which was a bday song that touched my heart... thanks so much... Fifth was another surprise... super super surprise... cos i totally didnt expect it... it was by my fellow trainee colleagues... they got me a cake as well... so sweet of them rite... thanks guys for the surprise! I know i was super dumb to be tricked into entering the staff lounge... but the feeling of getting surprised was good so its okie... Haha. And last but not least... yesterday a group of geog hons class friends sang bday song for me and hongyi (his bday one day after mine)... so that was my sixth bday song! Haha... SIX bday songs for this year... i feel so contented... so happy that i have so many nice friends, colleagues, and students... Im a happy teacher. I was a happy GM teacher. Thanks GM. Thanks everyone who made me happy. =)

2008-07-11T20:25:00.006+08:00

I have started a new phase of my life.
Im finally a fully employed and salaried civil servant aka teacher (still under training).
It's a job i have always wanted to do and now im enjoying myself very much.
Im presently teaching at Geylang Methodist (a mixed school... if u thot its a girls school it isnt)... its a very cosy school... Its cosy because its a small school... small both in terms of its school compound but also its strength (both students and teachers)... It seems everyone knows everyone else... which is especially so between teachers. The staffroom is so small that u cant help but know everyone within a few days... fellow teachers greet one another with a smile and stop for chats when we meet one another in the staffroom or even outside.. I get along pretty well with my colleagues and ive already become friends with quite a few... Its a nice feeling here cos teachers are very willing to help one another and there is a sense of a strong bond between all the teachers... And there's no sense of serious competition between teachers that is often present in the top schools... As for students, they are generally okie except for certain notorious classes of monkeys that are deemed 'uncontrollable'... Ive heard horror stories about them but ive yet to really see them in class... So im very lucky in that sense cos im not allocated the worst classes... Hahaa.. *phew*. I mainly teach the Sec 1 and Sec 2 classes... the cute little boys and girls.. who are extremely adorable when they behave but will make you vomit blood when they go crazy... Haha.. But im coping quite well i suppose.. even with rowdy classes.. Miss Chong can be very fierce wan you koe! ..Thats wad a student said of me... Haha! I got let them see my true colours! Haha.. well Ive learnt a lot in this school... mainly about how to manage a class well... how to strike a balance between being firm and strict, and also being friendly and kind... Its not a easy task sometimes.. i find myself having split personality at the end of the day! ...cos every class is different... so got to switch from one 'face' to another 'face' when i go for different classes... A senior teacher told me that being a teacher is like being an actor... every lesson delivered is like a performance... for it to be successful, you hav to tailor it to suit your audience, such that they can understand and enjoy your performance... Thats wad makes a good teacher...
"A successful lesson does not depend on how much you deliver but how much is absorbed."
I really think this is very important!
Hope i will become a successful teacher... =)

2008-04-18T01:14:00.002+08:00

A really stupid thing happened to me today.
I fell off the bus when getting down.
Cannot picture it?
Well... basically instead of walking down the steps to get off the bus... i sort of flung myself out and landed on the ground outside...
Dont ask me why cos i really dont know what exactly happened to me... i just felt a bit giddy then i thot i have grabbed the pole but i didnt and the bus was shaking so i fell... Ya i think this must be it...
And worse still i attracted so much attention... cos the bus and the bus stop were both full of people... and the bus driver even got off the bus to ask me how i was... Damn pai seh la...
Dont laugh okie... not funny ah... I got so many bruises all over my leg... be sympathetic okie. =P

2008-04-15T14:27:00.002+08:00

I HAVE FINALLY HANDED UP MY HONOURS THESIS!!
Yeahhhhhh!
Have been working on it for the past 6 months at least... its a product of my 'blood and sweat'... seeing it finally printed out and binded nicely... i felt so touched that i almost cried... haha.. im serious... its a wonderful feeling... And I feel so so relieved now... its like a heavy load off my mind... No more thinking about the same thing over and over again... And no more 'cars' 'cars' and more 'cars'... Was so sick of seeing that word.. Hahaa..

Today's Tourism lecture is the very last official school lesson i will ever have in my life (if u dun count NIE)... feeling a bit weird that my school life is coming to an end... it has been the life i led for the past...16 years?? ..woah thats a lot... And its all coming to an end now... Im going to start a new phase of my life soon... I wonder how it feels to step into working life... Often hearing about how working people say, "I wish I could go back to school"... I have no comments cause ive never really worked... But Im really looking forward to being a teacher... its something which i have passion in and i hope to do the job well... Hope it'll all turn out fine. =)

2008-04-04T03:14:00.002+08:00

Its been a long time since i posted... Have been busy with my thesis all this while... Until recently i sort of finished writing my thesis... Now im just tying up some loose ends... so quite free actually... I should be feeling very happy now but somehow im not... Its weird... I have been so looking forward to finishing my thesis that i forced myself to write very fast and 'get over and done with it'... But now that i finish it i cant really savour the feeling cos there's no one else to share the joy with... Cos everyone else seem to be still struggling with their thesis so i cant be bragging about how happy i am that i finished mine.. Oh well... And one more thing is i dont think i have done a perfectly good job...and there's nothing much i can do about now since everything is already fixed... i cant be making big changes now... so i guess the thesis will just stay the way it is... And im really scared i disappoint Prof Chang and become his worst thesis student (considering how good all his previous students are)... Well so the 'get over and done with' strategy doesnt work... finishing it doesnt mean my worries are over...

Im really looking forward to my grad trips.. cos i have not one, but two! So exciting! Before i entered Year 4... i felt i didnt know many people.. and didnt have many friends from Geography... And when my seniors talked about 'grad trips' i was thinking who i will be going with for my grad trip... cos at that time i dont even know anyone (except maybe one or two people)... I thought it'll be difficult to make friends in Honours year.. i thought everyone will have their own cliques and i would be left out... I was so wrong... Now in Honours class everyone is friends with everyone else... its amazing how the grueling lectures, projects and stuff brought us all together... and also all the wondeful gatherings, bbqs, chalet etc that brought so much joy... The Honours class literally go through thick and thin together.. how nice... Now i think back, i realise my worries about not making any friends was not needed... I have so many friends now! yeah and im going to two grad trips with them! Hope we will have a fantastic time in Australia and Thailand!
I LOVE MY GEOGRAPHY HONOURS CLASS! =)

2008-02-13T23:50:00.003+08:00

From now on I shall wash my hands off everything.
You do whatever you like.
Thats what you want anyway.

2008-02-05T23:18:00.000+08:00

Why do I still love you?
Despite all the hurt.
Why do I still love you?
Despite all the sorrow.
Why do I still love you?
Despite all the tears.
Why do I still love you?
Why...
Why...
Why...

2008-02-04T03:38:00.000+08:00

"The person I love most hurts me the most." - A Mandarin song title.

It applies the other way too...

The person who loves me the most hurts me the most too.

How do you hurt someone you love so much?
This I really dunno...
I guess its always not on purpose...
But when it all adds up its still the same.
Hurt is hurt
A lot of hurt is a lot of hurt.
No matter whether you did it on purpose or not.

A murderer can say he didnt kill the person on purpose.
He could say he didnt mean it.
He could give excuses to explain.
But it doesnt change anything.
The person is dead.
No amount of explanation could bring the person back.

2008-02-04T03:21:00.000+08:00

Its the end.
I forsaw it coming.
Perhaps even since the very start I forsaw this kind of ending.
But right from the start I worked so very hard to prevent this ending.
But it didnt work.
Im such a failure.
Last time I used to put in so little effort thats why I failed.
This time I put in so much effort yet I failed too.
Can someone tell me what went wrong?
Trying too hard is a wrong thing.
Thats something I learnt today.
Perhaps it was already a mistake right from the start.
I was too confident I could set it right.
I was so wrong.
I am so wrong.
Im always wrong.
Nothing I do seems right.
I might as well disappear from this world.
Will it make any difference at all?
I guess nobody will even notice.

2007-11-09T15:15:00.000+08:00

Im sick again...Ive lost count of the number of times I am sick this semester...
This is bad.
And I always kena the same bout of illness - the typical cycle of sore throat-flu-fever-blocked nose-cough... I think this particular virus really likes me alot..Let me get to know who you are and I will make sure I discover a vaccine against YOU..YOU stupid virus!!

This reminds me of my project for the Microbes module...It is a group presentation that is held today and I couldn't go cos I was still feverish and constantly sneezing.. Felt really bad about it.. cos I had to pass my part to my group member.. and also quite disappointed cos I did put in much effort and was actually looking forward to the presentation..cos perhaps this is the most interesting and enjoyable presentation compared to all the rest I had with my sucky Honours modules.

Sigh.. Illness really brings people a lot of inconvenience, disappointment and much negative feelngs in addition to the pain you already suffer due to the illness... So in sum that adds up to quite a lot of pain actually...physically and mentally and probably emotionally too.. Im already complaning so much when im ill for a few days.. What about people who are ill forever till the day they die?.. Im talking about people with chronic diseases that has no cure...such as asthma, arthritis, Alzheimer's disease, cancers, diabetes, heart diseases, osteoporosis, hypertension, stroke and so on... How does it feel to be constantly ill? Can we ever understand how they feel?... Why is the world so unfair.. Why some diseases can be cured while some others cant... And with all the medical technological advannces, all we can do is help them cope with the disease??.. All i can say is our human body is a fragile one..treasure it while its still healthy..

I seem to have lost my right to complain when I think of people who are suffering more than I do... Cos at least I can get well.

2007-10-30T22:38:00.000+08:00

Been feeling down recently...
Yet another big hurdle has appeared in my life that is testing the limits of my strength to overcome it.. Just when I thought my life is getting on smoothly...
Perhaps life was never meant to be peaceful..cos a life without challenges would be too boring...
But I guess I would prefer to have challenges that can eventually be solved.. rather than one without a solution.. or literally, without a cure.
What happens when you are faced with some unacceptable realities in life that cant be changed no matter what you do?
Learn to accept it.
Learn to live with it.
Learn to cope with it the best that you can.

2007-09-28T01:21:00.000+08:00

Been sick for the past 8 days.. and im not fully well yet...still coughing alot.. and producing unwanted noise pollution in the library.. really sorry about the amount of noise i made, but cant be helped...
This major bout of illness no doubt can be attributed to the intense amount of stress i am under these few weeks.. the amount of work i have undone and seem un-do-able is incredible...my head hurts the moment i think about this.. and as the days go by my headache is becoming like a regular condition.. it doesnt go away..
I need strength to get through this period...a lot a lot of strength.. mentally, emotionally and physically. GAMBETE.

2007-08-16T11:49:00.001+08:00

Year 4 is clearly different from the rest of the 3 years i spent in NUS.
For the good things.. I finally have a class...the Geography honours class 07/08... Having the kind of class bonding and getting to see familiar faces all the time feels much better than having to make new friends at every single module... Somemore im so fortunate to have a wonderful clique of friends brought over from Eco-devept module...We study together, eat together, do projects together, laugh together... I guess the laugh together part is very important.. cos i think we are a bunch of jokers..Haha.. But its precisely all these laughter that helps us get through all the stressful times.. I love you guys!! Haha... well actually my group only got one guy la.. plus 5 girls.. So we came up with this group name.. "FM 5.1" ... self-explanatory right.. F got 5, M got 1... Haha..And it sounds like a radio station.. "FM 5.1 - Stay tuned to get geographically brainwashed!" ..Hahaha... so you can see this is the kind of things we do...
As for the bad things... well we cant escape the apparent mountain of work and stress that final year brings... Work is a lot more, both quantitatively and qualitatively...lectures are gettng so un-understandable.. and readings are getting more and more sleep-inducing...And not forgetting the imminent honours thesis that is haunting me...Something that i try not to think too much about.. yet i know i cant escape from it... Really cant wait to graduate!! Its just in May next year lor.. sounds not too far off... but thinking about the amount of work to be done before that happens.. time seems to pass terribly slow... GAMBETE MAN!!

2007-07-30T20:53:00.000+08:00

Brrrrr... The weather has been cold lately.... very cold indeed for the context of Singapore.. supposedly a hot tropical country... The thermometer in my room has been showing 26 degC for the past few days..increased about 1 deg today.. just like my persistent flu.. getting better a bit only.. sigh... Been sick ever since the stupid rain started.. the cold weather wasnt any help.. in fact it aggravated my condition.. Today i finally saw the sun and i finally could start breathing with my nose... This shows how my body is in tuned with the weather outside... Well i guess i still refer the hot and sunny Singapore.. Somemore NDP is coming and im going... Please dun rain on that day.. please... SUN SUN come out more please.. i dun mind you glaring at me.. cos i can put sunblock...But if it rains i have to carry umbrella which is so troublesome...SUN SUN please shine more... cos i without you i cant recover from my flu... SUN SUN i love you.. i need you... .... Haha.

2007-07-27T19:44:00.000+08:00

This is a line from a song.. I find it very meaningful.

这世界谁能决定谁比谁好谁更荣耀
说到底自信最重要只有自己才能让自己微笑

2007-07-18T00:51:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to myself.
This year my birthday passed quite normally.. quite peacefully.. Got a record low number of birthday wishes and birthday presents.. But its okie.. At least i feel happy... I think thats whats most important. Haha..
In fact i spent my birthday night with Jacky Cheung wor...I went to his concert gala night at indoor stadium.. He sang from 8pm to 11.30pm... so power...So many of my favourite songs.. At the ending part i saw many of his fans stand up and sing.. so happening.. and the interesting thing is his fans are not young teenager fanatics... they are all working adults or even aunties.. So its a funny sight seeing them dance to the music.. Haha..I didnt stand up la...cos im a young teenager.. not a working adult or a auntie...Hahaha..
No la.. how can i still be a young teenager...22 years old liao leh..Feel that i have gone through so much things in life already.. feeling old liao.. One more year and im gonna step into the working world.. its a scary thought.. A feeling of desire yet there is still fear.
School is starting soon... holidays have passed like a rollar coaster..it moves very fast, its full of ups and downs and it makes you feel so exhilarated yet frightened.. I guess thats how my holidays have been. Like a rollar coaster..yeap.
Looking forward to school though... its year 4, final year... its gonna be tough but i feel i have the strength to get by.. its already the last lap..i can make it through! Looking forward to meeting my classmates... and my lecturers.. and studying about things i like... and keeping myself busy... Boredom is really something i dun like.. And of cos when school starts it means Ah Gong will give me my money... the money ive been waiting for for so long! Haha.. But by then GSS will be over la.. which is a good things.. i can spend less... err.. well actually ive already spent alot la.. Hahaha..Cant be helped de wad. =P

2007-06-06T12:22:00.000+08:00

BORED...
That word has been my substitution for "Hello" be it on msn or in sms or on phone...
My main activity for the past 2 days have been watching Prison Break... although its getting exciting and i do like the show... but i still feel very bored cos i would rather be out roaming the streets instead of being cooped up in my room watching show the whole day long... I've been watching like 10 episodes a day which is an amazing feat (second-ed only to Da Chang Jin which i managed 11 episodes in one day - that time i was crazy)... And the result of watching too much Prison Break at one shot is nightmares... At least twice i've dreamt of myself committing a crime (which i cant remember wad) and i'm running away from the police.. but the setting was in Singapore la.. Haha.. So if i remember my dreams well enough i can come up with a Singapore version of Prison Break yah... Hahaha..

2007-05-29T10:04:00.000+08:00

Its the school holidays. Which means im out of work. For the time being. Its a lot of free time and sleeping in feels good... but this is my second day rotting at home... There is really nothing better to do at home other than watching Prison Break... which i cleared a record breaking 9 episodes yesterday out of shear boredom... Managed to get Sheya to go walk walk with me in the evening after her work.. and guess wad.. when i saw the DIY section of NTUC with all the nails, screws and all.. i kinda got excited looking at them.. Thats the effect of watching Prison Break the whole day.. Hahaa.. After lazing around at AMK Hub which is a rather cool place which we have yet to explore finish... we went back her house for my last episode of Mars and Venus... It was typical with each couple having a happy ending..but i like it anyway.. last episodes should be like that wad.. Haha... Anyway the funniest part was that Yulian actually proposed to A-Wu.. You know GIRL propose to GUY.. the scene was hilarious la... In Chinese guy propose to girl sounds perfectly fine - Ni Yuan Yi Jia Gei Wo Ma? .. But you imagine a girl propose to a guy.. it sounds like - Ni Yuan Yi Qu Wo Ma? .. So weird rite.. Im not being sexist here.. But i still think we should stick to the guy propose to girl norm... Girls can at most do some hinting rather than the outright proposal... Haha..

2007-05-24T08:31:00.000+08:00

Alright today is my slack day.. So im sitting comfortably at my cosy little cubicle in the staffroom.. drinking a mug of hot coffee and leisurely typing out my blog entry...Haha...According to my timetable i dun have any lessons today but i do have a lot of things to mark.. especially since school holidays are starting in 2 days time.. i have to make sure i return my students their assignments so they can revise during holidays (thats if they really do) for their Summer Test which takes place right after the holidays. And so typical of students... they are all last-minute-then-panic types.. in Chinese we say its Ling Shi Bao Fu Jiao (last minute then hug the Buddha's leg thinking you will be saved)...Starting from yesterday, i had students coming to me saying they dun understand ANYTHING and they are going to die for the exams.. then beg me to give extra remedial.. to explain everything that i have already taught before...Goodness..I felt like giving them one word - WHATEVER. Haha.. you know like that new can drink in the market.. ANYTHING and WHATEVER. Haha... but im too soft-hearted la.. i will end up explaining the stuff again and again to those who never paid attention in class or ponned lessons.. Sometimes i wonder whether this is good for them..cos they might never learn their lesson.. Sigh...I really doubt i can ever be a firm and strict teacher... I dunno how to scold students!! Scolding sounds easy rite.. but i just cant do it well enough.. When i scold them.. they will say, " eh 'cher you angry ah? aiyah but you not fierce wan leh" ... ARGGGHHH... Sometimes i console myself by thinking its a compliment... Cos if i dun look fierce means i look kind-hearted or gentle? Hahaha... well at least i feel that fierce has the connotation of ugly... I dun wan to have wrinkles so early also.. no point trying to force out those wrinkles in order to look fierce in front of students.. not worth it la.. Haha.

2007-05-21T10:00:00.000+08:00

A mediocre teacher tells.
A good teacher explains.
A superior teacher demonstrates.
A great teacher inspires.

William Arthur Ward

2007-05-18T08:45:00.000+08:00

Its Friday at last! Weekend is here!
ALthough i still have to work during the weekends... but at least no need to wake up at 6 plus to come to Innova... Finally i can sleep in! Been sleeping about 6 hrs per day.. really a torture for me..Yawnzzz....

There was once i took bus from Woodlands to Bedok interchange, i fell asleep on the bus, slept all the way..until everyone alight the bus at Bedok interchange i was still sleeping... soundly... The bus driver called me many times before i woke up.. So paiseh la... I used to laugh at other people last time.. but now this really happened to me! Next time i should set alarm when i sleep on the bus.. Haha..

P.S. My name is 'CHER. Or EH 'CHER.

2007-05-16T17:30:00.000+08:00

Finally my blogger is working!!

Its been a long long time since i last blogged.. So much has happened since then..
My exams were over and i screwed up most of it.. Dooms day is on 25 May (results release).. Good luck to me.
Post-exam activities were fun.. The most memorable was a KTV session with all the girls in my Eco-Development project group.. the 5 of us went crazy... Imagine 5 girls standing on the sofa singing Ai Bu Pa by Cao Meng (Grasshopper)..complete with dance movements ok..OMG.. I've got photos of us in action.. but i dun wanna show my ugly sight.. so too bad. Just imagine la. Haha..
And the happiest moment in my post-exam period was when i passed my driving test!! YEAAAAHHH! 12 points only ok... can be much lesser not for a stupid car that parked at the road side..and the driver had to open the door and walk out just when i was approaching it..What coincidence.. but anyway i PASSED and thats most important. Hehee.
On the same day, i got myself a job as a relief teacher at Innova JC.. Haven heard of this school? Haha.. its okie.. neither have i before i knew of this job... Its a real ulu school at a ulu corner in Woodlands...Its darn far from my house but I accepted it cos 1.) It will be a wonderful experience for me cos I can practise teaching Geography at such a high level. 2.) It was recommended by Prof Chang cos his friend is the vice-principal of Innova - very hard to refuse. 3.) And of cos, the pay is good. Haha.. Where else you get paid 65 bucks per day for just 5.5hrs work.. Well.. actually after a few days there I realized the 5.5 thingy is bullshit la..I have loads of essays to mark so I almost always stay back. But so far im loving my job...teaching in JC is so different from secondary.. You are facing students almost as mature as you and may koe as much as you do (or even more, especially for the smart ones)..So its very challenging and I like it!

My post-exam life has been hectic I must say.. its been only less than 2 weeks after my last paper and yet it feels like its been a long time.. Very tired.. Working 7 days a week.. weekdays at Innova, weekends at VTC tuition centre. People say I'm a part-time teacher.. But I say I feel like im a FULL-TIME teacher.. I teach 7 days a week leh.. But both jobs will stop in June.. so my busy days will last till the end of the month then its REAL HOLIDAYS for me! Haha! I will be going back to Innova when their school starts.. but till then June is the time to relax.. Relax relax relax..

Anyways.. Im dying to start driving...Who wants to get me a car?
Hee.
My wishlist - Green Volkswagen Beetle or Red Nissan March or Red/Black Mini Cooper or White Subaru WRX.

2007-04-13T00:43:00.000+08:00

朋友...
也许从今天以后我们就再也没有可能见面了... 再也没有机会碰巧遇到你或者听到有关你的消息...
其实我早就该面对现实... 但从今天起我终于可以告诉我自己 - 你是真的离开了我的世界...
祝你在未来的人生里充满着幸福和快乐
再见了, 我最熟悉的陌生人.

2007-04-04T13:00:00.000+08:00

What a relaxing semester..5 easy modules and a super slack timetable... And now I have finished all my deadlines.. exams are coming.. yet I am feeling even more relaxed than ever.. Hahaha.. Somemore this week is a one-day week! Tutorials finish already.. somehow lectures are cancelled, and friday is public holiday... So end up i only have lesson on monday..With no more deadlines to rush.. and exams still some time away.. Seriously im spending this week on relaxing and more relaxing.. YEAH. Do not feel envious of me just yet... Haha... Cos i haven say finish.. Out of my 5 exams, 3 is open-book.. and out of the 3 one is purely MCQ.. And for the 2 close-book exams, can pick questions to study... So i really have nothing much to mug this sem...ARE YOU ENVIOUS OF ME NOW? Haha... its just this sem only la.. next sem you will see me complaining.. Oh wells.. so let me be happy now. Hee.

I am really really looking forward to the holidays... Cos i really really need to go work and earn money.. So broke... Cos i dun have anymore tuition students.. that means no money input.. Yet so much money output.. cos of driving lessons and putting braces.. This long hols is meant for working and working and working!! .. Hai... MOE is smart to give our 'paycheck' in August instead of May.. sigh... August seems so faraway.. so is my $4000 bucks... Anyway, need to register for NIE already.. and June need to attend all sorts of talks again... Dun understand why cannot defer for Honours straight away.. make us go through all these, end up still will defer mah... MOE is kiasu.. but MOE is my Ah Gong aka ATM.. so i shant complain. Hee.

2007-03-05T23:35:00.000+08:00

Why haven i been blogging these days?
No i haven been busy... im so free these days... my timetable has so few lessons.. i have no tests.. and no stress and no motivation to study what so ever.. hehe.
So basically I AM SO FREE... wahaha...
So what have i been doing with my time?
Watching Hua Yang Shao Nian Shao Nv on youtube.. and every other variety show associated with it that i can find there as well. Its amazing how much good stuff youtube has... and its amazing how many variety shows Taiwan have.. i can keep watching all day and i still cant finish... And they are real funny... No wonder im so happy these days...Heehee.. Lotsa laughter fill my life cos of Taiwan shows..and of cos i have my Ah Zun Zun... shuai shuai de... Hehee.
What else have i been doing leh... hmmm... driving lessons bah.. My test is in 3 days time.. Wish me GOOD LUCK!! I really hope i do pass first time... i haven stirke the pole down a single time during my lessons but that doesnt mean it wun happen on the test.. eh choi choi...I hope not la hor....
What else what else...
Watching TV and sleep lor...
Every evening i watch TV from 7 to 11.30pm.
7 to 8pm is ChannelU's Hua Yang Shao Nian Shao Nv...ya so you can see i watch it more than once.. 8 to 9 would be some variety show on Ch8 or ChU.. 9 to 10 is the drama on Ch8.. that Fan Jian Xin Ren Lei...i koe its kinda lame but darn funny... so i watch it just to laugh at how lame it is.. haha.. then 10 to 11 is the Hong Kong drama on ChU Wu Ming Tian Shi.. not bad.. the 3 girls very pretty.. all are Miss Hong Kong from different years...11 to 11.30 is News on ChU.. heh i watch news de hor... must keep up to date a bit mah... Well so thats my TV watching regime... And my sleeping therapy is amazing too... I sleep 10 to 11 hours if there is no school the next day.. and 8 to 9 hours if there is school the next day.. So basically i never have lack of sleep... somemore i nap too if i have the time... (which, like i mentioned before, i do have a lot of time)

So how does my life sound like?
I would say this year is my year man... cos its the year of the PIG.
Congrats to me and my piggish life. Cheers!

2007-02-05T22:36:00.000+08:00

I just attended my cousin's wedding yesterday. He is a very tall guy and his wife barely reach his shoulders even with super high heels... That was the first thing i noticed. I thought to myself - not again...

Why? Why?
I have often wondered..
WHY do tall guys (180+cm) end up with short girls (less than 160cm)?
and WHY do short guys (around 170cm) end up with tall girls (approx same height or slightly taller)?
Do you notice this phenomenon too?
I do... At least in my social circle this is the trend...
I dunno if its because tall guys like short girls, or short girls like tall guys...for the first case.. And it is because short guys like tall girls or tall girls like short guys... for the second case... OR is it just fate.
So is there any explanation for this?
Is it that tall and bigger built guys prefer short and petite girls so that they can protect the girl as a show of their manliness?
This is one possible explanation i got from a tall guy friend... but anyway he himself also dont understand why he just prefer short girls...
Someone should go and do some research about this and prove whether my observation is right.. and perhaps the results can help SDU to pair up people more successfully. Haha.

2007-02-02T21:00:00.000+08:00

I am very fortunate to know such a wonderful professor in NUS - Prof T.C. Chang.

Sometimes in school... when I feel so stressed up by work, when I feel that nobody understands what I am going through, when I feel that that there is nobody around to give me some encouragement.. I will think of him. His words are always so soothing and have a calming effect.. Though I have never really purposely looked for him for non-academic reasons.. just knowing that someone is in this school, who is always willing to lend a listening ear, is enough to make me feel less lonely... And its quite coincidental also.. I do meet him every now and then in school although i never take his modules anymore.. and each time he never fails to stop and ask me how I am coping and so on.. How many of your friends or classmates even do that? ..And he is a very busy professor and yet he is willing to care for all his students.. and he has many many students...Its amazing how he can remember all his students.. sends us well-wishes before every exam, telling us to study hard but not get too stressed up... greeting us with a bright smile whenever we meet in school, very often stopping to chat.. His door is always open for us.. and i mean literally.. his office door is really opened, as long as he is in.. showing how welcoming he is to students who visit him... There's not even a need to knock before he spots you standing at the door and calls you to come in..

Why am i suddenly saying this now?
I have been troubled about my fear of doing thesis and my fear of honours year... He sent me an email suggesting how i should start thinking about thesis topics which i like and find some time to talk to him about it so that he can clear my doubts and alleviate my fears.. I looked him up a couple of times but he wasnt in.. like i said he is a very busy person... Yet today, i so coincidentally met him outside Geography department.. i could see he was going off somewhere but he still spent some time chatting with me.. What touched me and surprised me the most was that he could remember what sort of topics i like and used before in my past projects (in his modules) and suggested that i pursue topics im interested in for my thesis...Its the heartening feeling that someone can understand me so well that made my day... and this person is not a close friend or wad.. but a professor. Thank you so much Prof Chang.

I must say a large part of my inspiration to become a good teacher comes from him. He is the best teacher i ever had in my life. He is my role model. I inspire to become a teacher like him in future.. a teacher who really understands and cares for students.. a teacher who really guides and inspires students... That is wad i aim to become.

2007-01-23T22:03:00.000+08:00

Cancer (June 22 - Junly 22)
Looks like lotsa love is in the air this year. It might explain why your zodiac sign looks like the number 69. But anyway, career-wise, things look good for 2007. New projects are coming your way so it's also likely that you have to prepare for a year of stress and little rest. Despite the pedantic nitpicker that you are, you are still capble of enormous output and creative exchange. Anyway, the stars also think it's time for you to realize the artsy person in you. Surprise and shock the world by planting roses or dabbling in water colour. Apparently, this will bring you much pleasure of growth and intimacy. If not attached, it is a good time to open up to the possibilities as love shines strongly upon you. All in all: a pretty hot year. Drink lots of water and don't burn up.

I never believed in horoscope forecasts. But for this once, I really hope it is true.

If you're wondering what a pedantic nitpicker is...
I've looked it up in a dictionary...
Pedantic - overly concerned with small unimportant rules or details
Nitpicker - likes to find faults with insignificant details, especially as a way of criticizing
I agree I am one.
Sometimes I just hate the way I am.

2007-01-22T22:32:00.000+08:00

"This, too, shall pass."

According to a biblical tale, the wise king Solomon once challenged one of his courtiers to find words that would make any happy man sad and any sad man happy. Many days and nights had passed but the courtier still couldn't find the answer. One day, he met an old man and told the man his problem. The old man then carved out something on the courtier’s ring. The courtier returned to the king's palace. Upon seeing him, the king stood up, ready to laugh at the courtier's failure. But before he could say anything, the courtier gave him the ring. Written on it were the words: "This too shall pass".

Happiness will not last forever, do not be complacent.
Enjoy the bliss today, but always be ready for future upsets in your life.

Sadness will not last forever, be patient and strong.
Bear with it now, the bliss you are looking for will come soon.

Why is this so?
Because time never stops for anyone.
Whatever that is happening now, will pass.
No turning back.

The light at the end of a tunnel could mean two things:
salvation or an oncoming train.
Which is your opinion?

2007-01-20T16:43:00.000+08:00

testing testing

2007-01-08T15:00:00.000+08:00

Happy first day of school to NUS and NTU students!

Im in school now... in a cold and miserable computer lab.. alone and feeling extremely bored.
2 hours break before my next lecture... which i hardly wan to attend...
Feeling very down.. for no reason.... or for some reason which i do not understand...
Coming back to this school just makes me feel uneasy... im not depressed.. but i feel very uncomfortable... very out of place... feeling out of place in a place where ive spent almost 3 years... thats weird... Im not worried about the lessons, the work, the exams or wad... In fact this sem ive decided to totally heck care abt my results.. So what is it? What is it that i am dreading? Perhaps its the school life... the mundane routine i have to go through everyday... it sucks... Its yet ANOTHER sem.. another same boring sem that i have to go through... and after this sem i still have another 2 more to go... it seems never ending.. no matter how fast time seems to fly... IF ONLY i will be graduating after this sem... Well i can do that if i want.. but i cant...

Elaine!! Stop being so uptight! Stop being so irritable!
Its just school. Whats the big deal?
How many years of school have you gone through, yet now when you are already nearing the end of your entire schooling life, you are freaking over going to school?!
What rubbish Elaine, stop being silly.

Hmm.. i must be out of my mind.
Im talking to myself.

2007-01-05T00:19:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I know its kinda late.. saying this now.. haha.
Been a bit busy lately.. not in Singapore during new year's day also..
And i didnt intend to have a New Year's entry at first... not until i read a couple of my friends writing such an entry.. including things like recollections of the past 2006.. and resolutions for the new year 2007... Wells... so thot i shd do something like that too... Haha... im a follower.

SO... Whats there to talk about for the year 2006.
I cant find a suitable adjective to describe the whole year... cos the fluctuations within this year is too great.. all the ups and downs.. all the changes and the turmoil..
I cant even give it a grade - was it a good year? a bad year? a okie year? Haha.... I have no idea.
It depends on how i look at it... so it may be a matter of perspective.
It can also depend on the time of the year.. so its a mattter of temporal factor.

Let me look at year 2006 temporally first..
I think it would be good to break it down into 3 time periods and grade them.. according to NUS grading system... Haha.. thats the only system im familar with.
January to April : A
The first few months of the year was indeed wonderful, a brand new start, a brand new life... and a brand new kind of happiness... the best kind i ever had... Although it wasnt meant to last.. i would never regret having it as a part of my life.
May to August : C+
Doesnt this look weird? Its the school holidays.. should it deserve a better grade? Too bad.. not the case for year 2006... I think i had the worst school holidays i ever had.. Hmm.. Isnt it more weird that my birthday - my 21st bday, falls in this period? The very person who promised to make my 21st bday the happiest i ever had turned out to be the one who took away that very happiness.
September to December : B-
Slight improvement in grade... year3 sem1 had been difficult.. but i worked very hard.. i tried all means to get away from that C+ grade... and i did it! December hols was not bad.. im very glad i enjoyed myself!
Hmm... so thats 5 + 2.5 + 3 = 10.5
So my CAP for year 2006 would be 10.5/3 = 3.5
So my conclusion is.. on the whole my year 2006 had been a bad one... cos 3.5 is by far the lowest CAP i encountered.. and i have never gotten a C+ before..

But to say the truth.. this grading system cant capture my entire experience of year 2006.
Over the months.. i experienced so many major changes, major challenges, major setbacks, major turmoils and major recoveries... they happened throughout the year in no particular fixed patterns... Which means to say.. there were bad times even within the A grade period.. there were also good times within the C+ period... Well.. one may tell me.. this is all part of life. I agree.
This brings me to the perspective factor.. From what perspective shall i look at my year 2006?
I always believed in a theory... Bad things in life are always there for a purpose - to enable us to appreciate the good things. Without the bad things in life, will you be able to experience the good things? ... Without people who are ugly, will the beautiful people look pretty? ... Without people who are stupid, will the intelligent people be smart? ... Without the sad moments in your life, will you know what is happiness? .. Perhaps you may not realise it... you are constantly feeling and thinking using comparisons... When you are very happy, why do you think you are feeling happy? perhaps... you realise you are feeling better than yesterday, and yesterday wasnt very good, so today must be good, since it feels better.. This is a automatic natural process in your mind so you dun realise you are doing it... Another example.. Many times when people console others they would say things like - look there are many people out there who are more unfortunate than you are. When you experienced something real bad and you feel very lousy.. you either think about people who are so much better off than you and then you pity yourself thinking you are so poor thing, or you think about people who are even more unfortunate than you are and feel that things are not so bad afterall... This is a classic example how we use comparisons in determining our own feelings... So its very important to think in the right perspective.. thats all it takes to solve a problem sometimes - look at it from a different angle.

So what am i trying to say? Hmm...
Although i got an overall 3.5 CAP which sucks... but i shouldnt think of it that my whole year has been wasted... I am glad to have had the good and the bad.. everything.
Without the C+, i wouldnt think back and realise how wonderful grade A was..
Without the C+, i wouldnt feel so glad that i have a B- now... although its only a small improvement.
When i had my A grade.. i was too complacent.. thought i will have that A forever.. When i lost it.. then i realise how wrong i was... Now im satisfied even if i only have a B-.
How true a saying goes - You will only appreciate what you have when you lose it.

Hmmm... How come my supposedly New Year entry sounds so different from my friends'?
I haven talked abt any major events in year 2006 leh... Haha.. And ive gone on to lotsa more abstract stuff... Well... I guess i prefer not to recall the major events in 2006... Whats passed has passed.. let it pass... Just like a famous Chinese saying - jiu de bu qu, xin de bu lai. (the old dun go, the new wun come). Another saying i got from a friend's blog - Life is like a bike without brakes. You cant move back, you cant stop, you have to ride on. So... Dun dwell abt the past, dun stay put, just move on... Life is just like that.

Although i chose to leave out my recollections of the past year.. I still need to talk abt my resolutions for the new year yah?
Simple.. get a CAP 4 at least.. for BOTH my 2007 life and my exam results. Haha. Simple enough?

I shall give my myself some encouragement.

Elaine!! You have overcomed the worst times of your life. You have done well. Put the past behind you and look forward to the brand new year ahead. Year 2007 will be a better year! Jiayou bah! Jiayou jiayou jiayou!!!

2006-12-29T23:29:00.000+08:00

Just finished watching a Taiwan drama - 微笑Pasta. Its a very funny and quite lame show... but i really enjoyed it... The girl in the show (乌龟妹) is such an optimistic and brave girl.. not afraid of any challenges or problems.. she faces everything with courage and hope...and never gives up till the very end... Her life is full of hope and joy.. she is surrounded by people who gives her support and encouragement... Despite the various obstacles she encountered in finding her true love.. she could overcome everything and succeeded in the end... I admire her spirit... Her 乌龟精神!!

Her 名言 is - "只要笑一笑, 没什么事情过不了." It has become my 座右铭. I think it really works... smile more and be happy!

王心凌 - 彩虹的微笑 (微笑Pasta)

天空是绵绵的糖
就算塌下来又怎样
深呼吸甩开悲伤
生气想爆炸就大声唱

* 爱很easy 很easy
yeh...
心情很easy 很easy
wo...
梦很easy 很easy
yeh...
笑一笑没什么大不了

天空是绵绵的糖
就算塌下来又怎样
雨下再大又怎样
干脆开心的淋一场

彩虹是微笑的脸
难过就抬起头大声唱

2006-12-28T12:45:00.000+08:00

乌龟妹: "只要笑一笑, 没什么事情过不了!" - 微笑Pasta (Taiwan drama)

2006-12-25T11:48:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone!!
May all your wishes come true my friends!
My christmas wish is happiness for everyone around me and happiness for myself too.
Whats more important than being happy neh? =)

2006-12-22T23:34:00.000+08:00

To my good friend,

An analogy…

我象是在一个很深的山谷里
我的天空是灰暗的
我看不见灿烂的阳光
我看不见这辉煌的世界
然而我不放弃
我每天都在努力的往上爬
虽然很艰辛
虽然很坎坷
我一直很努力的往上爬
但往往
当我爬上到一半的时候
当我稍微看到些曙光的时候
我总是会一个不小心就跌了下去
让我又回到了谷底
回到了黑暗的世界
一次又一次
我努力的往上爬
然后又跌回去
我努力的往上爬
然后又跌回去
一次又一次
我看到了一线希望
然后又落空
我看到了一线希望
然后又落空
有几回
我甚至已经几乎爬上去了
但却在最后的关头
被强风一吹而跌了下去
每一次的失败
只会让我更疲惫
每一次的重复尝试
只会变得更艰难更有心无力
总有一天我会爬出这个山谷吗?
我必需要
我一定要
我不能永远留在谷底等死
所以我会一直继续努力

我的好朋友…

你也在一个山谷里吧
但你的山谷和我的不同
你的山谷有一个梯级
那个梯级就等着你去爬
虽然看起来好象很困难
但其实只要你勇敢的踏出第一步
然后再努力的往上爬
你会发现其实并不很困难
一会儿就会爬出去了
你不可以有放弃的念头
你不可以有想要永远留在谷底的念头
你不能逃避
你不能萎缩
只有勇往直前
才会有看到曙光的一天

朋友,
我还在等着你爬出来后
把那个梯级拿来救我呢
如果连你也放弃
那么我还有什么希望可言
请给自己希望吧
也给我一些希望吧

2006-12-19T11:55:00.000+08:00

Its the winter season of the year!
In Singapore there is no snow... but there is lots and lots of rain!
Rain rain rain!!
Everyday rain. Whole day rain.
Absolutely irritating if im going out... and especially if i have driving lesson.
But absolutely wonderful if im sleeping in at home... in the comfort of my bed.
So it depends ya.... whether i like the rain or not.
Yesterday i didnt like the rain... it made me wet and made me sick.
Today i like the rain cos im lazing around at home... the rain brings cool weather.. saves me electricity by not switching on the air-con.
So for today, i love the rain.
Rain more bah!!
Haha.

2006-12-14T10:51:00.000+08:00

SO.... ive lost some of my wisdom... no i mean my wisdom tooth.. haha..
I removed 2 wisdom teeth on one side... left 2 on the other side next time bah...
Heng never take all 4.. or else now i cant even open my mouth at all...

It wasnt a bad experience actually... not much pain... more of inconvenience bah.
Cant eat hard foods.. can only eat/drink porridge.. making me so hungry...
Can only open mouth a bit... cant smile... cant laugh... cant sing...
And got a big swelling... i look like a balloon now loh...
My facial expression is so distorted now... so ugly.. Haha...

2006-12-10T22:28:00.000+08:00

Its Christmas time again!
You would have noticed.. this year's Christmas decorations is much better than previous years, be it at Orchard or at other shopping malls in Singapore....
This shows that Singapore's economy must have been good...
When is there a pay rise for civil servants?

Time flies...
One week of my holidays is gone with the blink of the eye...
Next week im gonna be extracting my wisdom teeth.. i think 4 at one shot...
Eeekkss... the thought of it makes me faint...
Anyway there goes my week... cos most probably i will need a few days of recuperating.

One more week gone then thats the end of my hols...
WTH
I haven even done anything yet!

2006-12-05T22:50:00.000+08:00

My exams are finally over.
What should i be feeling now?
Tell me i should be happy.

Why do people feel especially sad on the death anniversary of their loved ones?
In psychology its called context-dependent memory.
When you are in the same context again, you tend to remember more vividly.

I had my last paper today... one semester has passed... finally.
I am so relieved that i have survived another sem...
But why cant i feel happy that my exams are over?
From the moment i finished my exam till now... it felt like a walk down memory lane...
I felt like i was living the day exactly one semester ago...
Its the horrid feeling that is choking me again...

Its sem-iversary and context-dependent memory that has been torturing me this whole semester.. ive had enough.. get away from me...

感情线 – 183 Club (爱情魔发师)

…
难道已经没有别的选择
只能乖乖地束手纠缠
难过的是我们做了选择
是对是错谁也没把握
如果要我放手才能获得
为何在我心中
有舍不得

看着你要走
还装着笑容
掩饰的脆弱要撑多久
如果现在开口
如何挽留
感情这条线
注定只能这么远

不敢相信已经来到终点
想你爱他必定多一些
我们之间不可能再回到从前
我还傻傻画着幸福线

看着你走远
还继续装笑脸
掩饰折磨我能撑多久
如果现在开口
怎么挽留
感情这条线
注定无法延长一点

你已不在
而我何时才清醒
相信一切都是命
…

(4 May 2006)

2006-12-04T12:45:00.000+08:00

忍

你知道为什么 "忍" 是一种非常痛苦的感觉吗?
"忍" 这个字, 下面是一个 "心", 上面是一个 "刀", 加上一点.
"忍" 的感觉就象是一个"刀" 刺进你的 "心", 让你的心痛苦的滴着血.

忘

要怎么样才能 “忘” 呢？
除非你的 “心” 彻底的死 “亡” 。

悔

“悔” 是一种，一旦有了，就会跟随你一辈子的感觉。
因为结果已成了定局，无论怎么后悔，也无法弥补。
所以那份“悔” 将会让你的 “心” “每” 一天都感觉痛苦。

所谓， “一失足成千古恨”。
一次的错失，就会酿成一辈子的悔恨。

2006-12-03T01:11:00.000+08:00

"Oppa... oppa.. mianhae, sarang hae yo..."

My Girl (Korean drama)

2006-11-20T00:15:00.000+08:00

I get uncomfortable when i stop studying.. even if its just a couple of hours..
Its not that i dun have enough time to study finish... its not that its one day before my exam and im left withso much to study.. its not as if my results are darn lousy and need to buck up.. its not that im desparate to pull up my CAP from one class to another... In fact i absolutely dun.
So why am i such a mugger?
No idea man....

Im really bored now..
Let me talk about something that has been on my mind for awhile, but haven had the chance to blog about it..

My MRT vs. Bus theory

Among my friends, there are those who prefer to take MRT, while some others prefer to take bus.... while im a hard-core bus lover... Somehow i just dislike the MRT.. its one of those things which i just dun like no matter how hard i try... another example would be laksa.
Anyways... here is my analysis of why the bus is better than the MRT.

1. Bus is less crowded than MRT - Taking bus, i almost always get a seat, and many times even a double seat such that i can sit comfortably... as for MRT, there is almost no time of the day that it has empty seats, unless you take the train from the terminating station.

2. Bus is less noisy than MRT - Due to the fact that MRT contains more people, and more space for people to stand around in a group, you get groups of people talking and laughing at the top of their voices, its irritating when you want to sleep.

3. Bus is cheaper than MRT - In addition to the fact that MRT trips are on the whole more expensive, especially NEL, MRT passes are not as efficient as bus passes, thats because i have to change bus to go to school, that incurs extra costs, while taking bus all the way will mean the bus pass is fully ultilized.

4. Bus is more comfortable than MRT -
Firstly, if the train is crowded, i'll be packed like sardines.. not that buses dun get crowded.. but at least when the bus it totally full, the bus driver will not open the door at all.. not like MRT, the door will open at every station, and some crazy people will force their way in even though it looks impossible to do so.
Second, even if i do get a seat.. the seat is damn hard la.. the seats on the buses are cushioned and much more comforatable... And what are the odds of getting a window seat on a bus so that you can sleep with your head against the side? On the bus the odds is much higher than on the MRT. (in MRT, the so called window seats are those at the end of each row of seats with a glass panel for you to lie your head on)

5. Buses have TV mobile - The shows are good ok.. it repeats the drama serial i missed on the previous night from 10 to 11am... and anytime i cant hear it properly i can just tune in to radio to enjoy my show properly.. On the other hand, MRTs mostly dun have TV mobile, and for the few that has it, it only shows commercials, no shows.. and worse still the very few commercials repeat over and over again.. its irritating.

6. Bus gives better view - What i mean is, on the bus you get to look out of the window, see all the passing scenery.. Whereas on the MRT, you are often forced to look at the people opposite you, unless you keep looking down or sleep.. it gets very uncomfortable at times.. cos i might be just looking out of the glass to see the scenery but yet i keep catching the attention of the people opposite me.

7. Bus gives more privacy - Sitting on the MRT really makes you more exposed, everyone can see what you are doing, what you are wearing, and your facial expression... I have to constantly ensure im sitting properly in a decent way.. and worse still, when if you wanna sleep , you are more conscious of people seeing how you sleep.. cos if you open your mouth very big or wad.. there is bound to be more people seeing you than if you were on a bus.

8. MRT have those irritating announcements - Its not a problem f you hear it once or twice, but if you keep hearing it repeatedly throughout a trip, dun you find it irritating? "Do not leave your belongings unattended", "Report any suspicious items to the police" etc... I doubt anyone really bothers to listen rite... so why announce it so many times?!

9. Bus brings you to your destination - Other than those places very walkable from MRT stations, a lot of places in Singapore are not accessable by MRT.. you will just end up changing to bus anyway.. cos buses bring you finally to where you want to go...As for me, this is absolutely true.. there are buses from my house that goes to everywhere in Singapore (which i usually go).

Right.. for now this is all... will add to it when i think of other things.
Back to studying.

2006-11-18T00:29:00.000+08:00

Friday 17 Nov

Its the last day of The Deck aka the Arts Canteen... its the last time i'll see The Deck in this form.. for the new one coming up next August will not never be the same again..
I dunno why i got so sentimental about this... the moment i stepped into the canteen today i felt really sad.. the feeling that im gonna lose something forever and i cant do anything about it... and yet i know that losing it is inevitatable.. and thats the only way for the new to come... All these feelings.. gosh.. for a canteen... I took out my camera phone and started snapping away at almost every part of the canteen i occupied before in the past 2.5 years... Im glad i wasnt the only one, for i saw a few others holding cameras and some even video cams... My particular favourite place is the "sea-view" seats at the end, where its usually cooler and get a good view of the harbour... I looked at the tables.. i could remember those i sat before.. the times i had.. who i sat with.. what happened.. Im an ultimate nostalgic person.. particularly towards architecture... they trigger memories much better than the most well-written notes and summmaries (or else i would have become the top student)... Memories are etched in the physical architecture.. with the building gone, the memories are gone too? Oh so i hope.. or hope not? Im not sure...

Memories... the good and the bad.. the sweet and the bitter... and also the bittersweet... I define bittersweet memories as essentially pleasant events that are remembered, but yet from the point of time that they are being recalled, it becomes a bitter experience, due to one reason or another... In my opinion such memories are of the worst kind... Can you imagine how dreadful it is when you feel sad recalling happy events from the past? Its ironically depressing... Such memories are the hardest to forget.. cause they are remembered both as happy and sad events.. the more you remember how happy it was, the more sad you feel, then the sadness brings on to the next time you recall the same event, and the more sad you become, the higher the tendency you will recall the memories again.. and so on.. its a perpetual cycle... you cant get out of it... and these memories eventually flood your whole mind until a particular table, for example, which can bring about other memories, end up just triggering the same old memories which you try the hardest to forget, yet cant.... I call this the MSM effect - Memory Sadness Multiplier effect.

If im a psychology major.. i would write a thesis on memories... I myself would be the best research subject.

2006-11-11T14:26:00.000+08:00

Finally.. all my deadlines are over... for once this semester I felt so relieved and I must say, happy as well... Went out with Sheya and Xuan darlings to celebrate the end of all my project submissions.. I was so damn high the whole night... kept eating and drinking, and laughing and talking... I was happy.. cos I made the effort to be happy.. I believe that happiness does not come naturally.. To feel happy you must think in a certain way, do something, make the effort, before you feel happy... Throughout this whole semester, I was so tied down by work and stress that I had no energy to make myself happy... the fatigue let me sink into long-lasting depression... Its so much more easy to feel sad than happy.. To feel happy, I must go and find things to do, do things I like, see things I like, talk to people I like.. ...

At the beginning of the sem, I thought I will not last.. I thought I will collapse.. I had all the worse scenarios in my mind - like dropping out of school, or let my CAP drop to a ridiculous number.. Depression sank during the first week of school.. from the point I walk to the bustop, take bus 30, the journey of bus 30, the places it passes by, to alighting at school, going to LTs, going to canteen, going to library, sitting at the tables and chairs, sitting at the benches, and walking through the corridors, to even passing by the water coolers and toilets... the Earth lab, the Coffee Club Express, the AS7 comp lab, the forum, the... Everything.. EVERYTHING I tried so hard to forget during the holidays came back.. There wasnt a place I walked in school that didnt contain memories.. I walked around school.. unable to prevent my eyes from looking at all these... unable to prevent myself from seeing everything reenacting in front of my very eyes.. i was hallucinating, it was all in my mind...but to me, it seemed so real, so clear, so close to me...I was devastated.. I was disappointed.. I didnt manage to forget anything... How I wish the school can be demolished.. taking with it all the memories..

I started the sem in a miserable state.. I was physically and psychologically drained.. For the past year I almost didnt see a doctor once... but just in this semester, I visited a clinic thrice, visited a hospital once, and visited a counseling centre twice... At first, incessant headache, chest pain and fever brought me to see the doctor at YIH clinic.. it didn’t get better.. then a heart attack brought me to the hospital.. The doctor told me I will not get better unless I kept my spirits up... and that brought me to the school counselor.. Of cos it didnt help again.. I stopped going back when I saw even worse cases at the counseling centre.. I knew nobody can help me.. I knew only I can help myself.. easier said than done.. How do i help myself when im forced to go to school everyday.. facing all the things that triggers my pain.. How do I help myself when I dun have people around me who understands me and whom I can talk to.. How do I help myself when I have no energy and will at all.. Who will give me the strength? Who can give me the strength...

Thank goodness... I was blessed with good project mates and module mates this sem.. Although they may not understand me.. they were good distraction... Had a nice time doing Eco System projects with Kelly and Filzah.. Thanks gals for the wonderful times we had doing fieldwork.. and the nice discussions cum dinners we had... Biophysical projects were great too... though tiring I had a fun time doing fieldwork with Szwha and Emelyne.. the sweat and the laughter.. Thanks gals for bringing smiles to my face.. Though Cities and Regions was my most hated module.. and the project was done under a lot of stress.. I was glad I had supporting group members.. Thanks Hongyi and Afidah for being such good project mates.. and thanks for the wonderful chats we had (when we were supposed to discuss work)... Other module mates like Crystal, Weiyi, Clement.. Thanks for your company throughout super boring lectures... Best friends cum shopping khakis Sheya, Iuanxuan, Zanxuan, Esther and Jolin.. although you all cant be there for me in school.. I thoroughly enjoyed all the times we had together.. be it shopping or just plain chatting.. And last but not least, thank you so much Weiliat.. for the undying support you gave me and still giving me...

Like I said before.. I never liked to talk about sad things in my blog... So if you ask me, why haven you been blogging? I will say, are there happy things to write about? I dun like to write about sad things.. cos im not asking for sympathy or pity... Im asking for empathy.. looking for people who understands my pain and to share my pain.. Many times i wonder... Happiness... How is it defined? Does it mean.. Smiling? Laughing? .. feeling High? feeling Relaxed? Relieved? .. Does it mean it is Real? .. Can happiness be Fake? Temporary? .. is that still Happiness then? .. I dunno... Have I forgotten what happiness is? .. No I haven... I remember what true happiness was.. that was one year ago.. when I had everything that I wanted.. everything that made me happy.. results, friends, a boyfriend, a brother.. I remember what true depression was.. that was half a year ago.. when I lost everything that I wanted.. everything that made me happy.. What about now? What do I have now? What is left of me after all this ordeal? ...I am nothing but a person without a soul.. without hope... without joy... without self.

Now exams are near.. at least im glad that im in a better state to study for exams compared to last sem..
Jiayou everyone.. I will jiayou too..
May we all get the results we want...

2006-11-04T01:29:00.000+08:00

回忆当初多少柔情深深种
观山阻隔且把歌声遥遥送
多少往事点点滴滴尽成空
千丝万缕化作心头无穷痛

自君别后鸳鸯冷亡霜叠重
漫漫长夜寂静冬寒谁与共
当初叮咛天上人间会相逢
一别茫茫身影为何不入梦

情深似海良辰美景何时在
梦里梦外笑语温柔依依在
似曾相见恍恍惚惚梦不醒
想儿念儿来来往往应无碍

旧日游踪花儿依在树依在
山盟犹在只剩孤影独徘徊
三生有约等待等待又等待
几番呼唤归来归来盼归来

2006-10-06T22:15:00.000+08:00

把爱放开 - F.I.R.

我们的爱过了就不再回来
直到现在我还默默的等待

当你开始追寻你要的自由
放开我们紧握的手
带走我的爱和天空
我不知所措我以为我会懂
我们的爱我们的爱

当我独自走到世界的尽头
回忆和我擦身而过
带走你的爱和笑容
我无力承受最后的一点心痛
我们的爱我们的爱

* 把爱放开把手放开
如果你的心已不在
把爱放开不再等待
你的温柔是一片空白
把爱放开把心打开
这次我决定走出回忆重来
就让我彻底地的伤再彻底地的醒过来
就让我彻底地的伤再彻底地的醒过来

终于明白爱已不再
从今以后再也没有什么能去依赖
我还有什么期待

A song by F.I.R... very well-written lyrics...
The line that struck me the most was "就让我彻底地的伤再彻底地的醒过来".
Why do people say "Cry it out as much as you want then you will feel better" when consoling others? This is because sorrow is not meant to be bottled up... it wont disappear if it is kept inside you... Avoiding and escaping from your own feelings will not make the feelings go away... The only way to get over it is to acknowledge it, feel it thoroughly, let it out and let go of it... After going through this process then you can settle yourself down, get on your feet, and start afresh, putting the past behind you... Some processes in life are meant to be experienced.. it may be hard experiences... but it helps you to get on better in the days ahead of you... once you get on with it.

"就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来"
"Let me sorrow myself dry, then let me wake up from the deepest trench of sorrow"

2006-10-03T00:46:00.000+08:00

众里寻他千百度, 蓦然回首, 那人却在灯火阑珊处

You search countless times for that special someone among a sea of people,
however when you suddenly turn your back,
you see that the person is just right by your side.

You may search a lifetime for that special someone,
but actually he has been by your side all these while.
So open your eyes and open your heart,
and you will avoid all the in vain searches that bring you pain,
and you will see and feel that person,
who is meant for you,
waiting by your side.

2006-09-30T12:05:00.000+08:00

有心栽花花不开, 无心栽柳柳成荫
When you want the flower to bloom, it doesn't.
When you don't expect it to bloom, it blooms.

Sometimes when you want something so much, doesn't mean you will get it.
When you least expect something, it might just come your way.
Life is full of things that doesn't go by your expectations.

2006-09-29T01:58:00.000+08:00

If God brings you to it, God brings you through it.

Im not a Christian, but i find this sentence really meaningful.
It tells me i can overcome all odds in my life.
As long i believe i can.

2006-09-14T23:07:00.000+08:00

An excerpt from the show "My Name is Kim Sam Soon" ("我叫金三顺").
Very meaningful words...

去爱吧, 如同从来没有受过伤害一样.
Love, like you've never been hurt before.

跳舞吧, 如同没有任何人注视你一样.
Dance, like there's no one watching you.

唱歌吧,如同没有任何人聆听一样.
Sing, like no one's listening.

工作吧, 如同不需要金钱一样.
Work, like you don't need money.

活着吧, 如同今日是末日一样.
Live, like today's your last day.

2006-09-03T21:56:00.000+08:00

An analogy...

You see a beautiful dress from the shop window.. You are dying to have it but you don't have the money to buy it... No matter how hard you try to save you just can't afford it...You will pass by the shop everyday just to take a look at it.. Then one day you see another girl buying the dress and walking away happily with the dress in her shopping bag.. And you feel very sad.. The next day you even see the girl wearing that dress.. looking really good.. and flaunting it to her friends.. It is then you realised somethings are just not meant to be yours..

2006-08-29T23:42:00.000+08:00

视若不见, 视若无睹

2006-08-25T22:17:00.000+08:00

化悲愤为力量

2006-08-23T20:20:00.000+08:00

最熟悉的陌生人

2006-08-21T01:29:00.000+08:00

期望, 失望, 绝望

太多的期望
只会带来更大的失望
到最后感觉到的是绝望

我不要绝望
我也不要感到失望
所以我的生命里已没有期望

2006-08-19T22:51:00.000+08:00

Grievous disappointment.

Out of sight, out of mind.

2006-08-13T10:26:00.000+08:00

I just had a mild heart attack.
Super hyperventilation the doctor said.
I wonder...
If i die at that moment,
Who will i miss the most?
Who will miss me the most?
Most prob they are not the same person.

2006-08-10T22:09:00.000+08:00

School is starting again...
I think this is the first time that im dreading school SO MUCH.

This long hols has been a dramatic one for me... I cant find a better word to describe.. or rather no words can truly describe how this hols has been for me..
Shall i say i was happy? Yes there were wonderful times..
Shall i say i was unhappy? Yes there were depressing moments too..
But i guess i had more happy times than unhappy times... I hope.

This hols i got closer to many of my frens.. especially my girl frens.. especially my single girl frens.. Haha.. really.. you tend to neglect your frens when u are attached.. I was guilty of that i think... 3 months.. I have been single for 3 months... Thats kinda long considering i have never been single for this long time ever since... ermm.. ever since quite a long time ago la.. I asked my never-been-attached girlfriend, "What is it like being single?"... Haha.. is it a silly question? But truly it took me some time to adapt.. Its really different.. being single and being attached.. This whole hols my frens have taught me the wonders of being single.. it can be very happening too lor.. Haha.. I really have to thank all my friends.. Thank you for all the happy times we had together!! Other than enjoying all the times i spent with my girlfriends.. I also enjoyed tremendously the times i had in Dunman High.. being surrounded by DHS students everyday has led me to realise one thing... There is nothing serious enough that should make u glum the whole day... I see my students always looking so cheerful, so happy, so carefree.. despite the prelims and Olevels thats round the corner.. despite all the homework.. despite having to stay back after school for CCA.. And at the end of a long day they can still happily come to me asking me how i have been.. So how can i, as an adult 5 years older than them, be less capable of coping with stress?? OK perhaps u can say its cos they are Dunman High students.. smart and all.. but im also smart wad.. so nothing should fail me rite? Haha. =P So i have to thank all my students too.. You filled my life with joy! Miss all of you!!

Its recently.. the imminent sign that school is back again starts to sink in... Somehow i get more and more depressed thinking that school is starting.. Going back to the cold and lonely place called FASS... the place that is filled with sad memories in every nook and cranny.. going back to being a mugger.. being a loner.. OK. Sorry for being so pessimistic.. but this is how i am feeling right now.. How exciting can it get when you have to look forward to taking 3 boring modules all by yourself? And this sem the bidding really sucked.. im disappointed that i have to spend the last of my previous hols feeling so stressed out by bidding issues.. Makes me dread school even more cos i failed to get modules that i wan becos some idiots actually can put 2000+ , 3000+ points!! GGRRRR.. For the past week ive been having headache everyday for no reason.. as in im not having flu or fever, and ive been sleeping enough.. and the worse thing is panadols dun work.. So my diagnosis is that im having school phobia. Yes. School phobia. Its a real illness ok.. usually occurs in small kids la.. but it can also occur in a uni student also rite. Why not?

2006-07-29T01:06:00.000+08:00

Realised i missed out a photo of 02S1M (VJC)..sorry guys =P (thanks KK for mentioning it to me!)

2006-07-29T00:37:00.000+08:00

me and jasmine in the garden

2006-07-29T00:36:00.000+08:00

me and peixuan in the school garden, pretty place

2006-07-29T00:35:00.000+08:00

me and my mentor, Mrs Tan

2006-07-29T00:34:00.000+08:00

me and my colleagues in our cosy little staffroom

2006-07-29T00:33:00.000+08:00

me with the most playful girls

2006-07-29T00:30:00.000+08:00

Jamie, the hilarous class monitor

2006-07-29T00:29:00.001+08:00

reading ancient chinese books - act studious.

2006-07-29T00:29:00.000+08:00

act cute with fire extinguisher

2006-07-29T00:28:00.000+08:00

the most playful girls

2006-07-29T00:26:00.000+08:00

4H class with me and Mrs Tan

2006-07-29T00:25:00.000+08:00

My favourite class - 4H

2006-07-27T09:02:00.000+08:00

thats the beautifully decorated tables. (the party was at Eurasian Coummunity Club, directly opposite president Nathan's house)

2006-07-27T09:00:00.000+08:00

me with the balloons again

2006-07-27T08:59:00.001+08:00

zanxuan and me

2006-07-27T08:59:00.000+08:00

Me, Tyler, Zanxuan

2006-07-27T08:57:00.000+08:00

Me with flower balloons

2006-07-27T08:56:00.000+08:00

21 July - At Tyler's 21st bday party (zanxuan's friend). Thats the black dress that Jolin and Esther gave me as bday present. Fits very well!

2006-07-26T21:08:00.000+08:00

Today was my last day at Dunman High School. I am quite sad actually.. I am just beginning to get to know my students better.. just beginning to have students greeting me in school, at bustop, on the bus etc.. But i have to go liao. Sad. I taught many sec4 classes.. so actually a lot of sec4 students recognize me.. So for the past few days many of them greeted me and some even stopped to chat with me... But the thing is, most of the time i only found them faintly familiar.. i have no idea which class he/she is from.. Haha.. Not that i have lousy memory ok.. I taught at least 5 classes i think... So thats nearly 200 students.. Teachers dun have superpower, cant expect me to remember every single face.. AHH. Thats why its so saddening! If i have more time with them i would remember more of them.. Anyway, the only class which i taught the most times and get along the best with is 4H, a DHP class.. which means they dun have O'Levels end of this year.. and maybe thats why i had more fun with them cos we did more interesting things rather than the usual revision i did with other classes.

I thoroughly enjoyed my very last lesson with 4H which was also my last lesson in Dunman...
I sort of gave them a surprise cos they thought i wun be coming in again... So when i walked into the class i had a rousing welcome of cheers and applause.. I felt like im a superstar.. Hahaha.. Thats why i just like this class.. they are a funky and cheerful bunch of students.. And im a biased teacher.. I only bought chocolates for this class.. Hehe.. Cant help it la... End up half of the lesson was spent on giving out chocolates and taking photos! Oopps.. Haha.. But we really had a lot of fun. I will miss them.

2006-07-20T22:55:00.000+08:00

Haha. I saw a girl from my favourite class 4H at the library today. She is the girl whom i notice the most and sort of like the most also.. Cos she has big eyes and a big smile.. So when i look at the class i always notice her goldfish eyes.. They are so big that it almost distracts me from looking at the rest of the class.. Haha.. Yah so i was saying i met her in the library.. She was waving vigorously at me.. luckily she never call me with her usual loud voice (cos its library).. I sort of talked to her for awhile la.. SO this is how it feels when students remember you and are comforatable with appraoching you.. Nice feeling.. And she is so adorable! Haha.. these days in Dunman i am beginning to think im becoming like a paedophile.. Hahaha.. My colleagues cant stand it when i tell them how cute the sec1 boys are and so on... Well.. perhaps when we get older and we see people (considerably) younger than us... its just natural to think that they are adorable or wad.. Probably cos we can no longer have that kind of child-like cute-ness anymore.. And probably thats how our grandparents used to feel when they hugged us and pinched our cheeks saying we are SO CUTEEEE.. How we hated that sometimes right.. Haha.. In time to come we will probably be like that too.. Its a natural instinct bah.

2006-07-19T18:17:00.000+08:00

Now I am really an expert on the United Nations Organization. Not only have i looked through all the teacher's reference books for information on the UN, i've made a powerpoint on it, i've made an online video lesson on it, i've also taught this topic twice to 2 different classes.. Now i can memorise almost everything in my ppt slides already! Haha. Me the UN expert. Cool.

Today i really felt the tremendous satisfaction of teaching.
I taught that UN Mock Conference class (4H) again.. I gave them a lesson on the UN and then went through some source-based questions.. Cos it was the second time im teaching it in class.. I was already getting good at explaining the stuff.. so instead of just me talking and the students listening i manage to get them to interact with me.. Probably cos this class know nothing much about the UN beforehand.. they were very attentive and interested while i lectured... And some more my powerpoint is full of pictures and photos.. nice to look at, so nobody fell asleep.. Haha.. I made use of the pictures to ask them for responses and also asked them for opinions on certain recent issues associated with the UN, example SARS, bird flu, Iraq war, the North Korean nuclear weapons etc.. After this, i gave them feedback on the political cartoons which they drew last week.. I allowed the few groups which got the highest marks to present their work to the class.. This made them really happy.. and we had a good laugh at some of the things they drew.. At the end of the lesson my mentor told them that they might not see me again.. that sprouted a lot of commotion "Why WHY? You dont like us ah? We will miss you leh!" Hehee.. they say they will miss me leh... Actually i will miss them too.. they are such a fun-loving bunch of students.. What made me even more happy was my mentor's comment on my teaching.. she said i did very well cos i managed to engage the students in the lesson and most importantly i made the students like me.. She say thats the biggest challenge of being a teacher.. I felt a strong sense of satisfaction. I DID IT! Haha.. But i know i will not succeed all the time.. So I must work harder! =)

Oh btw.. You know Clara, that Dunman High girl in Campus Superstar? Yea.. i taught her class today too.. But i didnt notice her at all.. even until i picked out her name randomly from the class list to call to answer question.. It was only when she stood up and i saw her face then i realised. OOO... I said "You look SO familiar!" in a joking manner... the class laughed, and she smiled very sweetly at me.. Such an adorable girl. Haha..

2006-07-18T19:56:00.000+08:00

me in malay costume. (do i look more like a north indian or a malay?)

2006-07-18T19:52:00.000+08:00

me and peixuan. (do you think i look like a North Indian?)

2006-07-18T19:51:00.001+08:00

me and Jasmine at the school garden

2006-07-18T19:51:00.000+08:00

Me, Peixuan and Jasmine in ethnic costumes

2006-07-18T19:50:00.000+08:00

Racial Harmony Day - concert in Dunman High school hall (me and my friends were invited on stage to play the drums!)

2006-07-18T19:48:00.000+08:00

these are ALL MY PRESENTS!

2006-07-18T19:47:00.000+08:00

the infamous ONE, TWO, FIVE act cute pose

2006-07-18T19:45:00.000+08:00

another VJChoir shot

2006-07-18T19:44:00.000+08:00

me and weiyi

2006-07-18T19:43:00.001+08:00

crystal, weiyi, szwha, jianwei

2006-07-18T19:43:00.000+08:00

zanxuan and kenneth

2006-07-18T19:42:00.002+08:00

sheya and shehui

2006-07-18T19:42:00.001+08:00

crystal and joanne

2006-07-18T19:42:00.000+08:00

huiting and her classmate (yuanling)

2006-07-18T19:41:00.000+08:00

me and my cake again!

2006-07-18T19:35:00.000+08:00

my Physics in Life Sciences project group

2006-07-18T19:34:00.002+08:00

my friends who are from DHS

2006-07-18T19:34:00.001+08:00

my friends from VJChoir

2006-07-18T19:34:00.000+08:00

my friends from TKGS

2006-07-18T19:33:00.001+08:00

all my friends from NUS